And on that point, members of the jury,
I rest my case.
Hello, Wanda.
Hi, Ken.
Hello, W-W-Wanda.
Ken,
this is Otto.
Hello, Ken. Wanda's told me a lot about you.
Hey! Great fish!
A squeeze of lemon, some tartare sauce... perfect!
George back yet?
No, he had to g-g-go
to the b-b-b...
What?
That's quite a stutter you've got there, Ken.
It's all right, it doesn't bother me.
So er... George needs a weapons man, eh?
A cup of tea, Ken?
Y-y-y...
Yeah, he'd like one.
I had a good friend in the CIA, had a stutter.
Cost him his life, dammit.
Hi, George.
Hello, George.
Get you a Scotch?
Yeah.
George,
this is Otto.
So,
you're Wanda's brother?
Good to be here, George.
England is a fine country.
Did she tell you what we need?
Something like that?
Something like that.
Hello, Wendy.
Had a good day?
I spend the morning trying to get a waste disposal man.
At lunch, Marjorie just complained about her husband
then I have to play three rubbers with Philippa.
I come back and Sandersons have sent the wrong flowers.
Oh, no!
Would you like some tea?
Yes.
I won the case.
This is the first moment I've had to myself all day.
Hello, Portia! How was the show?
Awful, Daddy. I must have a new horse.
- But you liked Phantom. - He's not fit for dog meat.
Can I change him? It won't cost much.
- Oughtn't we... - I thought you were making tea.
- I am, darling. Sorry. - I'd better get it.
- No, no, let me do it. - No! I'll do it!
I won the case.
Now this is cracked.
They're worth about 100,000 each.
There are 1 35 of them.
That makes 1 3 millions, my friends.
Dollars or pounds?
Pounds, pet.
This is the big one. So...
OK.
Yeah.
Otto?
Yes?
OK?
What?
The plan.
Yeah. Great. No problem.
What was the middle thing, about the police?
We don't meet up at Heathrow until Tuesday...
Yeah, yeah!
I haven't finished yet.
Because the police will watch all the airports for 72 hours.
I know.
Do you want me to g-g-get
a b-b-big
c-c-car?
Getaway?
A limo, OK?
And put diplomatic plates on it.
What if he has to speak in the break-in?
Nobody says anything during a break-in.
It's OK, Otto. Ken's good.
So, next week,
we won't have to look for work.
And it won't have to look for us.
Oscar Wilde.
You really like animals, don't you, Ken?
What's the attraction?
Because you can t-t-t
trust them, and they don't sh-sh-sh...
Shit on you?
Show off all the time.
You know what Nietzsche said about them?
He said they were God's second blunder.
Bye, sis!
Well, you tell him from me that l-l-l...
Bye, George.
If you talk to Mom, tell her I said hi.
- OK. - Don't let him touch you.
One more day, and we're together.
I'm sorry about my brother, Ken.
I know he's insensitive.
He's had a hard life.
Dad used to beat him up.
Good.
Aaagh!
Anybody moves and you're dead.
Look where you're going!
Chauvinist pig!
Really, people here just think they own the pavement.
That was fun.
I love robbing the English.
- They're so polite. - The d-d-d...
- What is it, Ken? - The dog!
We didn't hit the dog.
- $20 million and an insect worries him! - It's not an in-in...
Stutter's not getting any better. How about surgery?
Shut up!
Ken.
Bye!
Let's split.
- See you at Heathrow on Tuesday. - Lie low. No celebrating.
No celebrating?
See you in a couple of hours.
To $20 million.
To a job well done.
To us.
To the best brother and sister team since...
Romeo and Juliet?
Do you believe those Cockney klutzes bought our story?
What morons!
- I want you to know something. - What?
Even if you were my brother, I'd still want to fuck you.
Oooh!
Make the call.
- Momento, carissima. - No!
- Eventuale! - No ltalian!
Hey!
Per cominciare, due insalate verdi con peperoni.
- E linguine primavera... - No. No.
- Una cotoletta di vitello. - Make the call, Otto.
Are you really ltalian?
Absolutamente. Si!
My name is Otto. It means eight.
Say arrivederci a Giorgio.
Bye, George.
The police, please.
Otto!
Yes, hello.
Sorry to trouble you, but you may like to know
that today's Hatton Garden robbery was pulled off by Mr George Thomason.
He lives at flat three, Kipling Mansions,
Murray Road, London W9.
Wanda!
Police! Open up!
Come on, open up!
Open the door, or we'll knock it down!
George Francis Thomason?
Passport,
tickets,
money!
Asshole!
We're rich, Wanda.
Yep?
I bet these weeks with me
have been the most exciting weeks of your life.
You said it.
OK.
Disappointed!
Sonofabitch!
What do you have to do to make people trust you?!
Shut up.
People are always taking advantage of me!
Shut up and think. Where's he moved it?
What are you doing?
I'm thinking!
Thinking what I'll do to him.
I'll hang him up with piano wire...
- Where are you going? - I'm going to talk to him.
Talk to who?
Talk to who?!
So, while installing these windows,
you knelt on some broken glass from the pane you had dropped.
That's right, sir.
Your parents can confirm this?
Yes, and his aunt,
Georgina Thomason.
Good, Bartlett.
Yes?
Sorry to interrupt you, sir.
Thomason. A young lady to see you.
- Anything else? - No, thanks. Do you have to dash off?
No, absolutely not.
George!
Ken's got the fish food. He'll be in later.
- Thanks. - De nada.
What do you think, Mr Leach?
We may be OK on the glass, but what else will they come up with?
Oh, George!
Oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening.
That's not allowed in here, miss.
Are you OK?
It's all right.
I don't think I can handle this.
I was too afraid to sleep last night...
Leave it out, leave it out, OK?
Listen, listen, listen.
Listen.
You stayed at my place.
We slept late.
You made me breakfast.
What?
What's he doing here?
He wanted to see you.
Who did it, George? Kevin Delaney?
Do you want me to rub him out?
Anything, you name it.
I have friends making enquiries.
Good.
The jewels are very safe.
If I get sent down, it all gets handed back to cut my sentence.
Now, to cut my sentence even more,
I could tell them who done it with me
if I wasn't very happy about everything.
What was the middle thing?
Piss off.
- You want me to spring you... - Now!
George?
You don't think...
Do you?
No!
No.
No!
OK.
- George. - What?
Are you sure the garage is very safe?
Trust me.
Thank you very much.
Thanks a lot. Bye.
Have a good day.
So?
He's not sure it was you.
What about you?
No, no, he believes me.
That's why he can't figure out about you.
Figure out what?
Whether you turned him in or not, stupid!
Don't er
ever, ever, ever
call me stupid. OK?
What?
That's George's lawyer.
The other guy must be the barrister.
So?
Trust me.
Let me know if anything unexpected turns...
Excuse me.
Don't I recognise you?
No. No, I don't think so.
Oh.
You are a famous barrister, aren't you?
Erm...
Well, hardly.
Could I have your autograph, anyway?
Yes, yes, certainly.
Thanks.
I'm studying aspects of your legal system.
I'm American.
Oh, really?
I've only just started. It's fascinating.
What er... What brings you here?
Oh, it's a little embarrassing.
I... have a friend.
Oh!
I see.
There you are.
I knew it!
You're Archie Leash.
Leach.
Right.
I saw you in court!
Er... two weeks ago.
The casino break-in?
You were great!
Oh, I'm a big fan of yours.
I love the way you er
cross-examine.
Oh, I really admire your work.
Thank you.
- I'd better not... - I don't suppose...
No? Fine, right.
Well,...
Thank you for this.
I'll treasure it.
Au revoir.
You speak French, too!
What's going on?
Whatever George decides to do, he'll tell Leach first.
Why?
Because he's his lawyer.
Yeah, I know that.
So I'm going to get to know Mr Leach.
So George will tell him where the diamonds are?
That's what I'm going to find out.
You done well, my son.
Now, where are we going to hide it?
Very good!
Don't tell Wanda anything.
Otto might get something out of her.
Now...
George.
You are going to g-get off?
Sure, don't worry about it, Ken.
We'll fix it.
Now, anything on Otto?
No. Not yet.
You watch him.
Ken!
OK.
Looks like the police have been all over it.
Let me change clothes, then I'll help you look.
Hello,
K-K-Ken's p-p-pets.
Hey!
Wake up!
Wake up, limey fish!
So. How are you going to get friendly with this lawyer?
I don't know. I'll improvise.
Fucking insects!
I thought Englishmen didn't like women, the way they talk.
No!
He's straight. He's kinda cute, too, in a pompous sort of way.
Have you got the hots for him?
I'm not into necrophilia, thanks.
What is this? Hump-a-limey week?
Otto doesn't approve.
Otto might get jealous.
E molto pericoloso, signorina.
Molto pericoloso...
Carissima.
Oh, speak it, speak it!
Un ossobuco milanese con piselli.
Melanzane parmigiana con spinaci.
Dov'?la farmacia?
Yes, yes, yes!
No, no, no.
- Si, si, si. - No, no, no.
No, not here.
Otto, not here.
Dov'?la Fontana di Trevi?
Not here, Otto!
Erm...
Mozzarella...
Er... Parmigiana...
- Gorgonzola! - Otto, no!
Wanda!
Look what I've got, Wanda.
Treasure!
Ssh!
Aaagh!
Ooh!
Oh, my God, Ken, it's you!
I thought it was the police again.
Isn't it horrible about George?
I've such a headache. Could you go and get me some aspirin?
Shit.
- What's that? - My brother's using the bathroom.
- Otto? - Mm. We just went and saw George.
It was horrible, Ken, just horrible...
Isn't it terrible about George?
When I find the bastard who squealed!
I love that man!
What are you d-d-doing here?
What am I doing here?
Wanda was upset, Ken. She needed to talk to family.
Sh...
She's just had a sh-sh-shower.
I've got to speak to you.
Are you OK, now, sis?
- I'm fine, thanks for coming. - Call me if you need me.
What's up with you? Can't you think about her feelings?
Something f-f-funny is going on.
Oh dear, oh dear.
You don't know why you're excited.
- I saw the b... - Ken, Ken, Ken!
I didn't want to say anything while George was around.
Isn't it time you faced facts?
Come on!
You're a very attractive man.
You're smart.
You've got wonderful bones,
great eyes, and you dress interestingly.
Wh-wh-wh...
We could have a lot of fun together.
I think we'd be really good for each other.
What do you say?
You must be j-j-j...
May I kiss you, Ken?
No, you fucking can't!
Just a peck! No tongue!
No, no!
Ken! Ken!
Ken!
OK. You didn't realise I was gay.
OK, no, look.
I'm sorry.
I've handled this badly.
Look, the physical side can wait.
You need time.
Will you think about it?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Ken!
Somebody just called!
They said that the police...
No, that the loot is in a garage in Fulham.
You and I have to go get it now.
We have to move it before the police find it.
No, no, no...
- What? - It's all right!
- What? - Ge-Ge-Ge
George
M-m-m
moved...
George moved the loot?!
Yes.
Where did he move it, Ken?
Where did he move it?!
C-c-c...
I don't know where it is. There's a key for something.
It's in...
Don't tell me.
It's better that you don't tell me.
Oh, you know, if it wasn't for George...
Otto
tried to k-k-k
kiss me.
I thought he might.
No.
Nothing, no marks at all.
But it is a safety deposit box key?
Yes, but there are millions of them,
hotels, banks, offices.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Fuck!
That's him.
That's him, lnspector.
He's the one who tried to murder my dogs.
Davidson!
An American legal student wants to see me for a moment.
- What time is Sir John due? - 1 2.30, sir.
Right.
Come in!
- Hi. - How very nice to see you.
Am I interrupting?
Absolutely not.
Really?
Really. Delighted to see you.
Hello.
So.
This is the place.
- This is it. - Very nice.
I was at the courts this morning. It's fascinating!
Really, so much to know,
Everybody wears these. Do you?
Oh, ridiculous!
Well, erm
I only have a few minutes. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
But until then, I'm all yours, as they say.
I just have a couple of questions.
I'm having a little problem
understanding preliminary criminal procedures.
What exactly is the committal?
Ah. Interesting.
Basically, it's a preliminary investigation
where the prosecution presents evidence
that the accused has a case to answer.
That's what it says in the book.
Let's take, for example, my friend George Thomason.
Right.
- His committal is on Wednesday... - Thomason?
Yes.
George Thomason?
Yes. Do you know him?
I'm defending him.
What are you talking about?
I'm his barrister, his lawyer.
That's so great!
That's so weird, isn't that weird?
Oh, I'm so happy you're defending him!
Thank you.
He's sure to get off now.
Wow!
I can watch you work now!
Please.
Amazing.
Well, anyway.
At the committal, George would then plead...
Not guilty.
Really?
The evidence is largely circumstantial.
But wasn't there an identification?
True, but a very elderly lady.
I think they've got the wrong man.
You don't think he did it?
No.
Let's just say, for argument's sake,
that you did think he did it.
Sure, if more evidence against him came to light.
Right, right.
You would then advise him to plead guilty,
and turn over the jewels to get his sentence cut.
And he would turn them over to who, to you?
Theoretically, yes, yes.
Oh, of course.
Erm. Well er...
I'm so sorry, I've forgotten your name.
Wanda.
Wanda! What a fool, what a fool.
Well, Wanda, there are three...
Not Wanda Gershwitz?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
What?
You're his alibi.
I can't talk to you!
Why not?
My dear lady, you're a defence witness!
I'm sorry, I must ask you to leave.
What did I say?
It's not ethical for me to talk to a witness.
Everybody does it in America.
Not in England, it's forbidden.
I insist, or I may have to give up the case.
I'm sorry. Please.
Oh, Archie.
I didn't come here to talk about boring criminal procedures.
Come on, you know!
You knew the minute I walked in here.
I want you.
What?
- Hello? - Sir John is here.
Show him in, please.
Make love with me.
- Pardon? - Nothing.
- Will you take me to bed? - No, sorry.
Bye, Uncle.
Hi!
He's pleading not guilty
so you're safe until the trial.
Leach doesn't think he did it.
Ken says there's a safe deposit box key,
but only George knows where it is.
Thank you, Wanda!
What have you found out?
Not a lot.
You realise he's in court tomorrow?
I know that!
So nothing, huh?
Nix.
Zip.
Diddly.
Bupkiss.
Niente.
Oh, it's too big!
- No, it isn't, Portia. - It's enormous!
- No, it isn't! - Oh, please, Mother!
No! Absolutely not!
I'm so miserable and you just don't care!
Do shut up, Portia!
All I get, all day, is people complaining to me.
Oh dear.
Ecco I'uomo.
Ooh, le due cupole grandi della cattedrale di Milano.
Benito Mussolini!
Dov'?il Vaticano?
Volare
Oh-oh
E cantare
Oh-oh...
Archie, I want you to speak to her about plastic surgery.
- Hmm? - I do wish you'd listen to me.
I want you to speak to Portia.
I'll speak to her in the morning.
Goodnight, Archie.
Goodnight, Archie!
Goodnight, Wanda.
Goodnight, who?
Sorry, darling. Just a stupid case I've got tomorrow
with some lousy old hag.
Are you George Francis Thomason
of Kipling Mansions, Murray Avenue,
London W9?
Yes, sir.
The charge is one of armed robbery.
Are we ready for a committal, Mr Percival?
Yes, under Section 6.2, madam.
That is correct, 6.2.
Here are the statements, all to be fully bound, please.
Stand up, Mr Thomason.
You are committed to stand trial
at the Central Criminal Court.
There is some urgency about this case.
The main witness, Mrs Coady,
is elderly and has had serious heart difficulties recently.
Is there any possibility that this case
might be put down for an early trial?
That is for the Old Bailey listing officer.
Take him down to the cell, please, officer.
Hi, hon. How are you doing?
You look great. I love your hair.
Got time for a coffee?
- No, I've g-g... - Have you thought about it?
Why did he give you this?
Eileen Coady, 69 Basil Street.
Does he want you to send her flowers?
Do her shopping?
Show her a good time?
Rub her out?
He wants you to rub her out?
He's going to kill her!
Fuck off, or I'll kill you.
Limey fruits!
So the old lady will m-meet with an accident?
- Eh, K-K-Ken? - Sssh. Sssh!
What's so funny?
Nothing. Just that wasting old ladies isn't nice.
Well, it's better than b-buggering people.
I bet you ? you don't kill her.
All right.
I love watching your ass when you walk.
Is that beautiful or what?
Don't go near him!
He's mine!
? says you won't kill her!
When could you look at it?
Let's think. My wife's going to the opera on Friday.
I'll look at it then and call you on Saturday.
- I really appreciate it. Thanks. - Bye.
Hi.
I know we're not allowed to talk.
Give me a call.
I can't.
Please?
We're not allowed to speak.
We don't have to.
I don't want you for your conversation.
I'd love to...
- What happened? - Got a date, Friday.
Look here!
Do you mind not making that terrible noise?
My dogs will be having their nap.
Nice doggy.
Nice... doggy.
Otto, what are you doing?
It's a Buddhist meditation technique.
It focuses your aggression.
The monks did it before they went into battle.
What kind of Buddhism is this?
Asshole!
It's an early Tantric meditation...
What is this?
To get information, I might have to get friendly with him.
Well, we're ready now, at last.
Good. Enjoy the opera, darling.
- Your supper's in the fridge. - Marvellous.
Be good.
When you say friendly, what are we talking about here?
Cordial? Courteous?
Supportive? What?
I don't know. Let's just see what happens.
So, friendly might include actual er
what, penetration?
I don't need your jealousy now.
- Jealousy? - Yes.
Hey, I'm merely curious. Me? Jealous of that fop?
What about my tits?
Does he get to handle them?
Yes. That's my forecast. I'll stand by that.
Nuzzling?
I think $20 million is worth a nuzzle.
80% chance there.
- Sucking? - I thought you weren't jealous.
I'm not, I don't believe in jealousy, it's for the weak.
One thing, though.
Touch his dick, and he's dead!
I told your father to get the car serviced.
Aren't we going, then?
Oh, do shut up, Portia.
Hurry up.
Hi.
Do you despise me?
No, that's not a word that leaps to mind.
Can I stay, then?
Of course. Look,...
- Wanda... - I know.
Your wife's coming back.
No, it's not her. She'll be hours.
It's about what I said to you.
It is all right for us to speak.
It is?
Provided that we don't discuss the case.
Oh.
Oh, fine.
It's just, if anyone saw us talking...
Oh, but they won't.
Sorry if I seem
pompous.
Oh, you're the best, Archie.
No.
Not yet.
I'm thirsty.
What shall I get you?
Whisky.
You are the sexiest, most beautiful girl
I have ever seen
in my entire life.
Get me my drink.
Oh, Archie.
Mm, Archie.
So.
If George decides to change his plea,
he'd tell you where the loot is first, wouldn't he?
Mm?
Darling, we mustn't talk about the trial, OK?
I know. I just meant theoretically.
Kiss me there.
Oh. Theoretically.
Erm.
..to his legal representative...
What's the matter?
Oh, it's wonderful, Archie.
Ooh!
Aah!
What? What, darling?
- You're getting me hot! - Sorry.
I need something to drink.
Something cold?
Maybe in the fridge?
Champagne?
Oh, my favourite.
Don't go away.
Je reviens!
What are you doing here?
- Relax! - Get the fuck out of here!
- Your moaning worried me. - I was faking it, stupid!
Don't ever call me stupid.
- And I'm not jealous. - Then leave!
OK!
It's a nice place.
Don't touch his dick!
His wife, his wife!
For goodness sake, get off to bed.
God, there isn't any ice.
Champagne!
Aaagh!
What's the matter?
What are you doing?
Champagne, dear. To welcome you home.
Erm... Iet me pour you a glass.
Whose is the car?
The car?
Blocking the drive?
There you are, dear. Cheers.
Nice to see you again.
How was the opera?
- Finished early, did it? - Whose car is it?
Mine.
It's a beauty, isn't it?
Where did I leave my drink, Archie?
Who is this?
Don't you know?
How do you do, Mrs Leach?
I'm Harvey Manfren... jensen... jen.
- I'm... with the CIA. - The CIA?
That's correct, ma'am.
I was er... just telling your husband
before I had to go to your beautiful bathroom.
We've got a high-ranking KGB defector in a safe house near here.
We're debriefing him as of now
and we're just er
checking all the houses in the area.
- For what? - For KGB.
- Is there any danger? - No, no, no, no.
No er... No, not now.
We er...
We just want to keep everyone informed.
So. Archie, thanks for the drink.
Sorry to have troubled you...
Keep everyone informed?
So there's no panic, ma'am.
But isn't it a secret?
You've no idea how secret.
Well, why are you telling everyone?
It's a smoke screen?
What?!
Double bluff.
You obviously know nothing about intelligence work.
It's an XK Red 27 technique.
My father was in the Secret Service, Mr Manfredjen St John.
I know perfectly well you don't keep the public informed
when you are debriefing KGB defectors.
Oh, you don't, huh?
Not unless you're congenitally insane or stupid, no.
Don't call me stupid.
Why on earth not?
Oh, you English are so superior, aren't you?
Do you know where you'd be
without us, the old US of A to protect you?
I'll tell you.
The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what!
So don't call me stupid, lady.
Just thank me.
Thank you for popping in and protecting us!
If it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking German!
Singing Deutschland, Deutschland
Über alles
He's covering for me. Get rid of your wife and get my necklace.
Necklace. I'll think of something.
- Who are you talking to? - Myself, darling.
- Who was that shouting? - Th-th-the brother of a f-friend.
Archie, who on earth...
I don't know. He...
- I need a drink. - Let's go to the pub.
What?!
Let's go to the pub.
Would you like to, Portia?
We haven't been for 1 5 years!
Portia could see it now.
Honestly, Archie!
Aaagh!
What on earth is the matter?
I thought the picture was falling off.
Will you pull yourself together?!
What's this?
Thanks, Portia. Coming with us?
What was that?
- A kind of necklace. - Aah!
What's going on?
Nothing. Let's go.
Can I see that?
- What? - In your hand.
Your other hand.
Portia, go to your room.
Aren't we going out?
I can explain. I left...
Now!
- They sent a new girl... - Oh, Archie.
No, she's Canadian...
It's lovely. Thank you.
It's even got a W for Wendy.
Oh, I'm so glad you like it.
It's the most beautiful thing you've ever given me.
Oh, Archie. This isn't like you.
Are you fucking crazy?!
Hey, I saved your ass.
I had him right where I wanted him, you asshole!
I give you one fucking thing to!
You had to drive me and shut up!
Oh, relax!
Hello.
Hold on.
It's for you.
Hello.
Not at the moment, no.
Yes, well, I'm not quite sure when I can get hold of that.
Yes, yes, I do appreciate that.
Yes. As soon as possible.
Well, that would be very nice, obviously.
So. Erm...
See you soon, I hope.
Bye, Frank.
Calm down. Calm down!
Easy, g-g-girl. Easy, easy!